This week, after seeing positive reviews about ABC’s new The Golden Bachelor everywhere, I watched the first two episodes. After years of not watching anything in the Bachelor franchise, I wasn’t expecting much more than the typical shallow script. However, only a few minutes into it, I was hooked. It was a significant departure from the franchise’s previous series, despite retaining the same premise. And in it all, I found it incredibly touching, with many lessons for those of us in our 20s to learn. Here’s my reflection of the series thus far.
A General Synopsis
The Bachelor is a franchise that has been airing on ABC since 2002. The premise is pretty simple: one guy (or girl, if it’s The Bachelorette) has a house of women to date. Each week, he sends some home until he gets to the final week, where he chooses his winner. There have been multiple spinoffs, but all of them follow the same idea.
The Golden Bachelor retains this premise. However, instead of having a 25-35 year old, it’s a 72 year old widower, with a group of 60-80 year old women as the contestants. I first heard the idea of a golden bachelor in 2013, when I (innocently and unknowingly) thought it would be a good idea to sign up my 40 year old uncle. After watching the first three episodes this week, I have no idea why it took so long to come to fruition, but I think they found the perfect cast.
The bachelor is Gerry Turner, a 72 year old widower from the Midwest. He married his high school sweetheart and had many happy years with her until suddenly losing her six years ago. Since that time, he has not remarried, and recently found a new opportunity for love on this show. The women share similar backgrounds–some widowed, some divorced, some just looking for love. All of them add something to The Golden Bachelor, and all of them bring their own unique life stories.
The show provides a rare glimpse into the lives of older people.
I rarely see older people as the main character of a story, especially older women. I can think of movies or shows with older protagonists on one hand. Whether reality TV or movies, we almost always relegate older people to being background characters or filling a stereotype. We give them such little value in these shows beyond comic relief or the wise sage. As one of the contestants says in the third episode, getting older often makes you feel invisible, as if society gives you barely any value.
This is generally true.
Two years ago, my students had to do a project about their own journeys. One of them chose to look at being a woman in this society. I will never forget her presentation. She interviewed several women of all ages within the community about their experiences being a woman. To give some context, this was a relatively stable, moderate, and diverse community in California. The women in the video reflected this–they were women of all ages, races, professions, religions, and incomes. However, the themes generally were the same. One of those, most eloquently explained by an older woman, was that “you decrease in value as you become an older woman, to the point that you become invisible.”
Over the last two years, the wisdom of this woman has reverberated in my mind. I can’t tell you exactly why it stuck with me so much as a 21 year old student teacher, but it truly hit me at that moment. Not only did the woman verbalize something that I’d unconsciously noticed, but she also spoke about one of my fears.
It often feels like life ends after 30-40.
Like this woman and several other women in my students’ video said, and like multiple women on The Golden Bachelor have discussed, our society places such a high value on youth. Who’s displayed for the most part in books and TV? Teenagers, 20-somethings, thirty year olds, maybe a 40-something or a mom. With men, it’s a little different–they get a little bit of leeway, but after a certain point, they, too, are relegated to the background.
There are some shows that defy this, of course. One of my favorite shows of all time, Jane the Virgin, spotlights three generations of women and tells their stories in a truly holistic way. Only Murders in the Building centers on a millennial and two older men. But other than these shows that are few and far between, our society glamorizes youth to an almost sacred degree.
We see this in our lives too.
I think often of a quote from Wizards of Waverly Place when someone says something about being 30 and Alex Russo says something along the lines of “Ew, 30? That’s so old!” While it sounds comical, and I didn’t think twice about it as a child, it sounds more and more daunting post-college. There’s already the identity crisis after graduating college, but then there’s the fact that suddenly, you aren’t the youngest in the room. This is different, and it only gets stranger the further you get out of college, especially if you work with younger people.
Part of my feelings about aging are certainly compounded by being called old by students regularly–they truly are brutal, especially considering I’m only five years older than some of them–but the fact that it seems like your relevance ends in your mid twenties is terrifying. Think about it. If you’re a woman, how many times have you been told (or felt) that you just become a “mom” as soon as you have a kid? That you’re boring as soon as you’re married and settled? That you need to do everything while you’re still young?
But these women show that life is long.
The women in The Golden Bachelor are beautiful, energetic, diverse, and fun. Unlike the contestants of the other shows in the franchise, they’ve lived life. They aren’t just starting out, and it’s not like everything rides on finding love, so to speak. These women have already done amazing things–built careers, raised families, had loving families, had accomplishments of their own–and they are still enjoying themselves. They aren’t the picture we usually see of older people. They still have vibrant energy and beauty, even if they have hearing aids or hip replacements as well.
Like I said before, it often feels like our relevance ends as soon as we’re out of our twenties. After that, we’re moms, or we’re past our prime, or we’re old. Many older people themselves act like their lives are already over, like death is the next big event. These women prove, with every breath and every action and every burst of energy, that that is unequivocally false. They are still full, layered people with ambitions in every aspect, and this is incredible to see.
They show what it means to live again.
These women don’t just stay at home and rely 100% on their kids or grandkids to bring them happiness. That isn’t to say that those two things aren’t the most important and meaningful things in some of their lives, but they aren’t the only things. From fitness instructors to educators to women who hold several degree to women who work/worked in typically younger-person dominated fields, these women have followed their passions. They have balanced having families and being true to themselves. They have found love before, and they are taking risks to find love again.
The sheer courage to come on this show demonstrates that. Going in, the reception was not a given thing. These women didn’t know if people would laugh at them or applaud them. They didn’t know if they’d be subjected to internet hate. Furthermore, they didn’t have the luxury of being in the “just starting out” stage in life. While many of the women on The Bachelor do have jobs and other responsibilities, they don’t have kids or people depending on them most of the time. These women do have families, and as one of the contestants says in the third episode, she’s a mom first.
However, they don’t let that stop them.
They came on this show, first of all. Beyond that, they’re open to taking risks again, whether that’s in love or a talent show. They’re balancing family life and personal ambition or desire. Even at a point in life when you’re more set in your ways, they are changing things up. They are opening themselves to things like love again. That is something we can all learn from.
We get to see romance at a different stage of life.
One of the most refreshing things about The Golden Bachelor is the attitude with which the contestants approach romance. Unlike the original show, it’s not all or nothing. Most of these people were married before and are either widowed or divorced. They have experienced true love. While it’s clear they’re looking for another love, there also isn’t that feeling of false expectations or pretenses that there is with The Bachelor. Both Gerry and the women are (for the most part) emotionally intelligent. They understand what they’re looking for. They also are able to respect each others’ pasts without overwhelming jealousy.
One of the things that stands out the most is the view of romance. It is hopeful and pure, but it is also realistic. None of the contestants on The Golden Bachelor are looking for the flawless partner that many in the usual shows are. They understand working through problems, and they also understand going beyond the initial attraction and forming a relationship based on friendship and trust. Most of the contestants seem to be looking for a relationship strong in companionship, and that is incredibly refreshing. That doesn’t negate the romance they’re also looking for, but it just adds to the feeling of authenticity.
On top of romance, we get to see confidence and beauty.
Confidence is critical with romance, and these women have it. They have earned it, and you can see in the lack of insecurity. While they naturally are aware of their flaws like anyone else, they don’t let these insecurities dictate their behaviors. When there is a problem–i.e., one contestant became overwhelmed during a wedding dress photo shoot because she thought only of her first husband–they discuss it. This is a recurring theme with both Gerry and the women. This confidence naturally leads to more displays of maturity and emotional intelligence.
Additionally, we see older women being portrayed as beautiful. How often do you watch a show and see someone over 50 only concerned about aging or losing their beauty? Or worse yet, being portrayed as expired? These women are none of this. Just like on the regular show, the women in The Golden Bachelor wear their cocktail dresses, dress up for dates, and show their beauty. They take joy in their stylishness. Better yet, they’re allowed to be sexy without the pressure of being overly sexual. Their sensuality is in their confidence and their poise, and that is something incredible that only comes with age for many.
We also see authenticity in The Golden Bachelor in a way that we usually don’t.
In The Bachelor, most of the girls look like they’re competing in some sort of beauty pageant. The entire show gives a sense of being a scripted drama. While the drama is definitely one of the pulls of the show, it also gets old after a while. The Instagram-worthy appearance of the contestants on both The Bachelor and The Bachelorette does too.
That’s not to say that there aren’t outstanding contestants with vibrant lives and backstories. There have been several contestants with fulfilling careers, compelling stories, and bright personalities. They go on there for many reasons–just because, to find love, to travel the world, to get exposure, to try something new. Yet, in the last seasons I watched, there was also this veil of a social media persona that prevented it from feeling real.
Naturally, this is the nature of the beast with reality TV, but it feels different with the women of The Golden Bachelor. They did not grow up in a time where social media was king. While many of them may use social media, it does not dictate their lives, and I have not gotten the sense that any of them are there to get clout. When you’ve built your life and make a big change like this, it becomes a pure choice to do something like this, not potentially a step you feel you must take to advance yourself.
So these women can be themselves. They also don’t have that self-consciousness that many younger women do, and they speak their minds. Whether it’s over chair rose ceremonies or hearing aids or flatulence, they are refreshingly honest with Gerry, the audience, and each other.
We also get to see women supporting women.
Apart from one minor scuffle, The Golden Bachelor is full of women supporting women. Of course all of them want to find love and win in the end, but they don’t tear each other down in the process. All of them are confident enough in themselves and have enough in their home lives where it isn’t like everything is riding on this. When one woman is having a hard time, the others go to comfort her. This isn’t because they want to get in on the drama or talk about her behind her back. It is because they are genuinely concerned and have the maturity to see beyond the show.
This humanity and comradery are refreshing, especially compared to the usual content we see. Seeing women supporting women isn’t always as common as we might hope, but this show has it. The mere fact that it is so possible, especially in a reality TV environment, is really a lesson to the rest of us–and not just women. In the age of social media brutality, the mature person-first attitude of these women is something that we should all emulate.
A Final Word
The Golden Bachelor has only just begun. My sentiments may be proven wrong in the future. However, at this present moment, the representation and energy in this show represent a new chapter for TV. The overwhelmingly positive response it has gotten only furthers this. Within the frame of a dating reality show, there are many lessons for us to learn from as twenty somethings. From prioritizing confidence and maturity to embracing each stage of life to living without fear, these women truly lead by example. The Golden Bachelor might just be a reality show, but to me, it is an incredible move forward.
Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash
