4 Things I Wish I’d Known at the End of Freshman Year

An Introduction: The End of the Beginning

You’ve made it to the end of freshman year. 

That in and of itself is a major accomplishment.

During your freshman year of college, you grow so much. It’s a crazy time that simultaneously seems to last forever and fly by. In such a short time, you’ve lived by yourself, survived a year of academics, and found your place in a new social scene. So much progress has been made, yet it’s time for the year to come to an end.

So what do you do?

How do you cope with the end of freshman year? Do you focus on renewing those friendships back home? Looking into internships? Finding a summer job? Relaxing after a long semester? The prospect of figuring that out can be intimidating in and of itself.

For the first time, you’ll be going home for a long period of time, away from all of the friends that you made in dorms. You’ll be back in your hometown, which suddenly feels different than it did before. You’re going from being surrounded by people your own age to being back in your high school environment.

While it’s undoubtedly great to reconnect with friends, see family, and hang out in your old spots, it also comes with some conflicting feelings. You finally got into a routine, and now you’re being yanked out of it. Your friends aren’t ten minutes away anymore. You have to figure out how to live with your parents’ rules again.

All of these are normal feelings to feel. 

This is something that nobody ever told me at the end of freshman year. Even though I went to a school within my city, the dynamic was much different when I came home. It took me a while to re-adjust, and right as I did, I left for a study abroad! Just like you had to figure out the college environment, you need to re-figure your home environment. It takes a minute to sink back into those old routines, and it’s not strange if you don’t feel it right away.

This incredibly important bit of information is something that drove me crazy during the first part of my summer! I felt like I was doing it all wrong. While I was glad that I was on break, it felt strange at the same time. I waited for my study abroad on scholarship anxiously. Then I tried to find ways to occupy myself. After that didn’t work, I tried not to get annoyed at myself for reacting the way I did. Instead of simply enjoying my summer, I created a lot of confusion over what I thought I was supposed to feel and what I actually felt.

What I needed to realize, and what I didn’t realize until much later, is that there’s nothing wrong with change. College is a period of growth spurts (which are, at times, awkward), and it takes a minute to accept that things are constantly changing. Once you acknowledge that, though, and you’re not constantly trying to cram your present life back into what it was before, things get a lot easier. The end of freshman year is the perfect time to start practicing this.

This article exists so that you won’t feel the same conflict that I did. I hope these four pieces of advice help you!

#1: You are not the person you were when you left for college (and neither are your friends!)

I don’t even know how to start with this one. It’s tangible for some people, but for others, it’s this thing that’s happened without you noticing. You’ll probably see it as the freshmen file in next fall, but you are not the same person you are when you arrived. The timid, anxious person you were when you arrived for your freshman year of college is long gone. It’s been replaced with the new you: someone who is confident in their ability to socialize and survive on their own. That’s no small feat, and it’s definitely something to be proud of!

If you go home expecting to just pick up where you left off, you’re in for a rude surprise. It’s not only you who’s changed, but it’s also all of your old friends from high school. Whether they’ve gone into the work force, gone across country for college, or gone to a community college down the street, they’ve also experienced their own change. When you all get back together, it’s not going to be just as if absolutely zero time passed. You’re all going to have new stories, new friends, and new experiences. Taken together, all of those can make your relationships even stronger!

However, you should be prepared if you find that some relationships or old habits are not quite the same. Sometimes, people drift apart, and although it sucks, it usually happens for a reason. Maybe you took different life paths, got in with different people, or just outgrew each other. College often allows you to escape who you felt you “had” to be at home, and it’s often hard to shake that. This holds true for friendships as well.

Be flexible.

In my life, I had two friends from high school who exemplified both of these. My first friend and I went to the same college. Although we only met up every two weeks or so, we grew very close (even closer than in high school), and I still consider her one of my best friends. The other friend went to a different school, stayed home, and started spending much more time with some other high school friends. When I came back that summer, there was a huge disconnect between the two of us. She had her interests and I had mine. While I initially fought the thought that we’d grown apart, I soon realized that it was for the best, and I was happier than I had been before.

So if things are different, don’t stress. People don’t usually talk about this aspect of the end of freshman year, but it’s nothing to dread. It’s just an adjustment, and you’ve obviously made plenty of those over the last year, so you’ve got this one.

#2: It’s okay to be sad that it’s over

For some of us, this isn’t a problem.

Some lucky people are able to just acknowledge that things are over and move on. Others of us, however, feel a weird sense of mourning when things end.

Like I mentioned above, a lot of this goes back to the innate human desire to squelch change. We want things to stay similar and to be what we know. For many of us, freshman year is a great period of change, but it’s also a period where we feel more in control than ever. Not wanting to lose this is tricky, but it’s a natural extension of this aversion to change.

I remember when I ended a job that I hated. I’d despised this job for months, yet when it finally ended, I felt a sense of emptiness. Freshman year of college, while I greatly enjoyed it, was much the same way. While part of me was ready for the summer, the other part of me wanted to hold on to every bit of freedom and excitement that had come with that year. I knew that I wouldn’t get that dorm experience back.

This is normal.

And, slowly, I realized that that was okay. I didn’t need that experience back. I had an entire sophomore year to make more memories–this time, in better living quarters, and with even more freedom. Freshman year was just a start.

However, I would have done myself a big favor by letting myself feel sad. Not necessarily wallowing in it, but not fighting the feeling. Yes, something was ending. It had gone by crazy fast. People wouldn’t be quite as close as they were before. That dorm dynamic wouldn’t be there. The proximity to everything wasn’t going to be the same.

But would my next year be filled with new things to look forward to?

Absolutely.

It’s perfectly okay to sit with your feelings, and it’s totally fine to feel conflicted about the time ending. College flies by in many ways, and it’s honestly excellent that you’re enjoying every moment. Just remember that, as strange as you might feel about it now, there are great things that come with every year. Change is a part of life, and acknowledging your feelings is the best first step that you can take.

#3: Dealing with your parents might be different than before

When you left for your freshman year of college, you were still a baby. You’d lived with your parents for 18 years, gone to school in a structured environment, and had a certain level of support. Once you got to college, all of that changed. You learned what freedom felt like. Everything happened on your own schedule, and asking permission was a thing of the past. You made new friends and were able to see yourself outside of who you were at home.

Change and Growth Happen

This, in and of itself, is something that I want to reiterate. You don’t always notice all of the growth that happens your freshman year. When you see it happening with other people, though, you’ll realize just how different you are now and how much you’ve matured. Your parents, however, might still see you as that kid that left their house in the fall. They subconsciously put you back into that mold. Remember–they’re learning how to live with you again, too. 

Of all the things on this list, this might be the most difficult. By the end of freshman year, you know what it means to be independent, and you don’t want anyone to clip your wings. The response to this, naturally, lies in communication and respect. Respect your parents’ wishes, negotiate boundaries, and communicate with them. At the end of the day, that’s what most parents are looking for. They’re going to be so thrilled that you’re home that they’ll probably be more lax than they were before!

#4: Your relationship with your friends/roommates might be different

This was difficult for me to understand. 

Although I’d had a year of college friendships, I still partially fit them into the high school mold. All throughout high school, you’re around the same people year round. There’s not usually an awkward gap where you’re distance friends for three months. For most people in high school, you can just drive right over to your friend’s house and hang out.

So, for reasons beyond me, I still found it somewhat surprising at the end of freshman year when I wanted to go tell one of my friends something but had to wait until they responded to a text instead. Of course, it’s easier with things like FaceTime, but it’s still different. I found myself missing the dynamic and the friendships that we had built throughout our freshman year. While I did know that I was going to see them in just a few months, it still threw me that it was a much different dynamic than I had expected. 

Context Matters

You also have to consider what your friends are like outside of the college context. I don’t mean that to be a scary thing. We’re all different in different settings. With my family, I’m much more to the point. I’m much more fun with my college friends and nostalgic with my high school friends. It’s a totally normal human thing to do, and you just need to consider what that will look like for you. What will your roommates or friends look like when they’re back with their families or friends? Are they big on FaceTime and texting, or are they horrible at responding? Do they view college and home as church and state, or are they the type to try to coordinate trips over the summer? Are you going to try to visit them?

My point is that you’ve probably never lived with people, bonded to them so tightly in such a strange place, and then abruptly had to leave them. Everyone is new in this situation, and everyone is also trying to figure it out. For some people, this part of the end of freshman year won’t be a problem at all. For others, it will be an unexpected road bump that just takes some understanding to overcome.

In my experience, as long as everyone is willing to put in effort (and if they’re true friends, they will!), this distance just takes a moment to adjust to, but it quickly becomes normal and only builds the anticipation to return in the fall!

A Final Word

Change is a normal part of life. The end of freshman year is no exception to this. Looking back, if I could describe freshman year in one word, it would be just that–change. So much growth happens in such a short time span, and sometimes it can take a minute to catch up. That’s what the summer’s for!

So go forth, enjoy a well-deserved break, and be proud of everything you’ve done in the last year!