For some people, a title telling you how to make friends in college is a laughing matter.
Making friends? You might think. That’s ridiculous. My parents met all of their friends in college.
And that might be the case. However, if you found this article, you’re probably like I was when I started college, and this is a seriously daunting concept. If you go to school close to home, you probably know at least a few people. That’s a start. If you’re going across the country, however, this is an even more intimidating prospect.
Not to fear. As an introvert, I managed to make friends within my first few weeks, and I made a few new friends each year after that. In this article, I’m going to list some of the ways to alleviate this concern, whether you are a first year student, a commuter, a transfer student, or just someone looking to start over.
A Couple Notes
You’ll Find Your People
Before I begin, I want to give a bit of reassurance to anyone who might be freaking out at this idea. College isn’t the same as high school. For the first time in some people’s lives, everyone gets a fresh start. As a kid who moved constantly when I was little, this was something of a miracle. For once, everyone was on the same page, and they were all equally desperate to make friends. Of course, this can result in an initial pairing up and splitting apart of some people, but I quickly realized that most people found their people. It took varying amounts of time, yes, but I don’t know many (if any) people who escaped college without finding even one person with whom they shared something in common.
It’s Not Like High School
Social expectations are different in college. You learn pretty fast that people don’t look at you funny or judge you if you’d rather sit alone. In fact, about half of the eating hall at any time was eating alone at my college. Nobody ever looked at them strange. People are so involved in their own studies and their own circles that they don’t have the time/energy/spite to judge anyone. I remember initially feeling insecure about sitting alone at a table in the cafeteria to study, but I quickly realized most of the people around me were doing the same thing. Sometimes, you need to be alone to have some time to relax. Everybody gets that in college.
Now that I’ve addressed what some of my biggest social fears were going into college, I’m going to tell you some of the ways that you can make friends on campus, regardless of your situation:
#1: Live in a Dorm
This is an obvious one, but there’s something about being crammed together in a tiny space that makes people friendly with each other. Of course, this isn’t always the case, but chances are good that even if you don’t get along with your roommates, there will be someone on the floor who you can find common ground with. Some key tips here:
- Keep your door open—this makes your room seem more inviting, and people will pop in to say hi when they walk by.
- Hang out in common areas—whether it’s watching a TV show together, studying together, or just talking on the couches in a common room, this is a great way to get to know people and start to understand the social scene.
- Participate in the floor/wing group chat (see #2).
#2: Group Chats
This is a perfect follow-up to #1. Group chats, whether they are for classes, clubs, or dorms, are a perfect opportunity to make friends. There’s a little more legwork involved here, and some might remain friends online only (if you have online classes). Group chats are a great chance to attract likeminded people without even having to talk to them in-person! Below are some of the following ways to take advantage of group chats:
Invite people to campus events
If you want to make friends in college, this is a prime opportunity for you, especially if you’re a freshman. Many people want to check out school events, especially if you live on campus, but might not have someone to go with. If people end up going with you (which happens 90-95% of the time), you immediately have talking points and an easy way to start off. If people don’t answer your request, others will likely assume that someone talked to you in person and ended up going with you anyway.
Create a study group
Sometimes it helps to reach out to a dorm or class group chat and see if anyone is interested in studying with you for a class. Chances are high that your classes overlap with at least one other person in your dorm. During my freshman year, 5-6 of us were in the same difficult Gen Ed Econ class. By getting together to study each week, we not only became friends, but we also got As in the class.
Straight up say how you feel
During virtual learning, I was tired of not being able to make friends in the same way that I did when we were in person. I texted into a group chat for an English class asking if anyone else was tired of not being able to make deeper connections and wanted to form a sort of book club/social club. Almost a third of my class wanted to join, and they later ended up meeting in person once classes moved back to campus. More people probably feel how you do than you think, and you just need to make the first move.
*Use with caution* Say something that everyone is thinking
Sometimes we have awful professors. It’s unfortunate, but you really do get some professors who are too caught up in their PhD/are too busy to work with you/are excellent at research but can’t teach, and it sucks. You have enough to balance, and their lack of care/ineptitude makes your life that much harder. Chances are that everyone else feels that way, too, and you can seize this opportunity to make friends in college. Sometimes, if you say the exact right thing in a group chat (and again, you have to be careful here), it can start a conversation and create a bond over a common “enemy.” You could even follow this up with an action step like creating a study group. However, you do need to be careful. Bitching can go one of two ways, so it’s good to know your audience.
#3: Join a Club
This is the one that I was perhaps the most averse to when I was starting out. I had memories of clubs in high school that were either way too into it or a total mess. However, I overlooked the fact that college students leading clubs were significantly older and were advised by faculty members. Colleges hold club rush at least once a year, and most (if not all) also have club information and contacts somewhere on their websites. This is a great way to see what’s out there, especially if you are a commuter student or a transfer. Clubs can take many different forms:
- Professional clubs
- Major-related clubs
- Hobby clubs
- Clubs with opportunities to network with professionals in your field
- Ways to meet people (social)
- Club sports
- Paid vs unpaid
If you want to learn more about different types of clubs, levels of formality, and expectations, find my article here. I definitely recommend using it as a way to make friends in college; I only regret that I didn’t do it sooner.
#4: Take Advantage of Student Life Centers
If you are a commuter student, this one is for you. Many schools have a commuter life center where you can go and do work. It’s essentially a home away from home and a spot to gain resources and interact with other students who are facing the same challenges. Many schools also have other student centers for various groups, including a women’s center, black resource center, pride center, etc. These places also host many mixers to introduce students to each other and help everyone make friends in college, so they could be worth a try! You can usually find them through your school’s main student life center or website.
#5: Go to Events
Whether these are in school or out of school, it can help you meet more people while doing something you enjoy. Events include school events (Welcome Week, dances, charity events, parties) and outside things like book signings and trivia nights. Many departments also send out bulletins of events that are related to your subject matter (i.e., readings by previous students, speeches by diplomats). This is a great way to get involved both in your school community and the outside community. Who knows–you might even learn something or find a new interest!
#6: Get Involved in Student Government
This sounds like an intimidating way to make friends in college, but it really isn’t. It also isn’t that much work (my big fear in college). Associated Students (AS) is broken down into many committees in most schools, most (if not all) of which are open to the public. It can be stressful to walk into a meeting not knowing anyone, but if you go during the first meeting of second semester, chances are high that there will be others who are going for their first time. This can also be a great chance to make a change and attain leadership positions if that’s something you’re interested in.
The best way to get involved if this interests you is to step in on a small, random committee. You have a better chance of getting a leadership position here, and it’s less intimidating. If you know someone involved in a committee, no matter how casual your relationship is, this can be a good foot in the door.
#7: Do an Internship/Volunteer
This is a great resume builder, but it also helps to get you connected to many people with similar passions. Internships are where I met some of my best friends, and I grew immensely during these experiences. I genuinely have nothing but fantastic things to say about internships. They’re crucial to getting work experience, potential money, connections, and social outlets. Within these, happy hours and mixers are great opportunities to expand your circle. Doing that much work with other people, whether it’s paid or unpaid, is bound to drive you together more. You’re also driven by the same things, which provides a great foundation for a relationship! For more info, see my article on internships here.
#8: Ask to Go with People
While potentially terrifying, chances are high that people won’t reject you, especially in your first few months of college. Making friends with your friends’ friends is a great way to expand your circle. The easiest way is doing something together, whether that is a movie night, a party, a lunch, or a study group. In my experience, you’re usually invited back out and things naturally form a friendship. Plus, you’ll probably find some new locations, restaurants, or interests. The best thing is when someone is a local, because they can show you are to all the best places.
#9: Have a Sewing Kit
This sounds like a weird one, and it kind of is. I brought a small sewing kit to college with me to repair anything that might rip—literally tiny scissors, some needles, and some different colors of thread. I cannot even tell you the number of times people requested this in a group chat, or once they found out I had it, they came to me. It isn’t something that a lot of people think of bringing, and it will make you something of a necessity. Whether it is just talking to someone as they come to borrow it, seeming like a hero, or getting praised in front of other people, this will surprisingly help your cred in the dorm.
#10: Be Able to Cook or Bake
Food really does win people over. Just ask me. I chose my roommate on the roommate preference finder because she said she liked to cook in her bio and I wanted to eat well. There was a kid on my floor who would make people treats and leave them outside their doors. He was easily one of the more popular people there. Food really is the way to people’s hearts. Even if you only learn one or two easy recipes, it will be a lifesaver when you are living away from homecooked meals every day. You can find some easy college recipes here.
A Final Word
As a final word of advice, don’t stress too much if it feels like things don’t click right away. Not everyone moves at the same pace when trying to make friends in college. However, people are not the same as they are in high school, so the pressure isn’t quite the same. Everyone is in the same boat, and everyone probably feels just as overwhelmed as you do, so don’t freak out too much.
I hope this helps! Let me know in the comments below.
